


If I Lose Myself Tonight

by takethelead



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, alex is going to be a fantastic girlfriend, and alex isnt going to know what to do with herself, but its so good for alex, but that is why we love her, even though she will still be a little awkward and nervous, hashtag no regrets, im such sanvers trash, maggie is going to be so ridiculously sweet to alex I can already tell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:32:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9207011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takethelead/pseuds/takethelead
Summary: Alex and Maggie's first time. There's some fluff, and some sexy. You really can't lose giving this a read.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the song If I Lose Myself by OneRepublic when I was writing this. Both the original version from the Native album as well as the Alesso remix are a good companion for this one-shot if you like music paired with your fics. 
> 
> Unbeta'd, I got too impatient to wait for my girlfriend to read it over for me.

Alex couldn't keep her hands still as she threaded her fingers through Maggie's hair. She prayed that Maggie wasn't stuck in her head as much as Alex was in her own and that maybe she didn't notice Alex’s nervousness manifesting in her fingertips.

  


Alex was pretty sure she could tell where this night was leading, or at least where both of them wanted it to lead. Maggie's eyes darkened every time she looked at Alex, and her kisses were so sweet that they almost made Alex’s teeth ache with imaginary cavities. Maggie's touch was especially gentle and tender, like she thought Alex might break if she was too passionate during their kisses.

  


But, Maggie was calm and patient as she always was with Alex, and although Alex longed for something more from Maggie, she was thankful that Maggie wasn’t pushing her past her comfort level when it came to being physical or affectionate. Maggie had waited until Alex brushed her fingers against hers while they were walking in the park a few weeks after they began dating to take Alex’s hand in hers. She kissed Alex on the cheek in front of Kara only after Alex initiated it, and even then she waited and followed Alex’s lead for public displays of affection with anyone other than Kara.

  


Maggie hadn’t even let her hands roam while they were making out at the start of their relationship. One particular night, Alex remembered, they had just gotten back to Maggie’s apartment after a few rounds of pool at the bar and were exchanging heated kisses on the couch. Alex had pushed Maggie down first and was lying on top of her, her hands grasping at Maggie’s shirt and clawing her fingers across her toned stomach. Frustratingly, Maggie’s hands remained chastely on Alex’s waist, drifting occasionally to drag through Alex’s hair, but nothing more. Alex had thought she made it clear that Maggie had her consent to let her hands roam over Alex’s body, but Maggie was nothing if not a gentlewoman and Alex had to physically grab Maggie’s hands and move them to cup her butt. Maggie’s eyes flew open when she realized what she was touching, but her eyes quickly crinkled in a smirk as she gave Alex’s ass a tentative squeeze and Alex huffed a breath of warm air against her mouth in response. Alex didn’t tell Maggie, but that wasn’t the only part of her that was warmed by Maggie’s touch.

  


After that, Alex had assumed things would progress at least a little more physically, but although they had both become more handsy while kissing, that was about it, and Alex was starting to worry that Maggie wasn’t as attracted to her as she claimed to be.

  


Alex hummed thinking about Maggie’s hands on her, and only realized she had done it audibly when Maggie pulled back slightly and looked at her.

  


Quirking an eyebrow, Maggie grinned, “That good, huh?”

 

Alex reddened slightly and broke eye contact. How on earth was she going to be able to handle having sex with Maggie, seeing Maggie _naked_ , feeling Maggie’s skin on hers, being inside Maggie and _having Maggie inside her_ , when remembering a mid-make out ass grab was causing her to vocalize her pleasure, against her will at that? Alex felt like passing out just thinking about it.

 

She chose to ignore Maggie’s comment and resumed kissing her, but Maggie quickly broke them apart again.

 

“That bad, huh?” Alex said quietly, again avoiding eye contact.

 

“Alex. I stopped because it feels to me like you feel uncomfortable, and I don’t want to keep kissing you if it’s making you uncomfortable. That’s not my style. What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Alex murmured.

 

“Really?” Maggie scoffed. “It’s a miracle you passed that lie detector test Lucy Lane gave you when she was questioning you about Hank, because that was pretty pathetic,” she chuckled.

 

Alex felt Maggie’s hand flutter up to her face and rest gently on her cheeks. “Hey. Hey. What’s wrong sweetheart? Please tell me. Did I do something?”

 

Alex had to blink back tears because of how incredibly _lucky_ was she that her first relationship with a woman was with someone so patient and understanding about her inexperience.

 

She thrust her head into the crook of Maggie’s neck, mumbling something that she could barely even hear herself, so of course Maggie asked her to repeat what she said.

 

Alex took a deep breath and looked up at Maggie through her eyelashes. “It’s not anything you’ve done. It’s...what you haven’t. What we.. haven’t.” She shrugged her shoulders and let her eyes drop down to the floor, again trying not to cry because of how stupid she felt and probably sounded to Maggie.

 

“Hmmmm,” Maggie said after a few seconds. She took a breath and paused, taking Alex’s hand.

 

“Are you ready for us to have sex?” She asked bluntly.

 

Alex nodded almost imperceptibly. She decided in that moment that if she could have any superpower, it would be the ability to melt into the floor when she did something embarrassing. She was sure she would utilize it more than super strength or anything else more practical.

 

“Alex,” Maggie breathed. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about this?”

 

“It’s embarrassing. To have to ask. I thought I was giving enough signs, that I was ready, but then when they didn’t seem to work, I was afraid maybe I read you wrong again, and you didn’t want it and I was afraid of being,” Alex paused. “Rejected.” She finished softly.

 

“Oh Alex,” Maggie whispered, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “I’m so sorry. I’ve wanted to go further with you for quite awhile, but I know this is all new to you and I want to do everything right. I would feel so, so horrible if I did something you weren’t ready for, and you went along with it because you didn’t want to seem inexperienced with me.”

 

“Oh,” Alex said, blushing again. She was still a little embarrassed about the whole situation, but was feeling slightly less so after what Maggie said.

 

“I’m ready to go all the way with you. I’m so ready, Alex. I want to make you feel loved and I want you to feel safe with me.”

 

Alex looked up at Maggie and opened her mouth slightly.

 

“Yes, really,” Maggie smiled. “So, knowing that I’m ready for whatever, whenever, with you, does that help?”

 

Alex nodded.

 

“I will let you know if I don’t like something or something hurts or I don’t want to do something, if you promise to do the same with me. Talking about sex doesn’t need to be awkward. I’ve found it makes the moment better, because no one has to worry about going too far or making their partner uncomfortable. Everyone can just relax and enjoy.” She smirked. “So,” she continued, “Is there something you’d like to talk about?”

 

Alex took a step towards Maggie. She nuzzled up to her ear.

 

“Touch me,” she said, fingering the hem of Maggie’s shirt before she began to slide the fabric up the skin of Maggie’s stomach, working it over the swell of her breasts and gently lifting it over her head and letting it fall to the floor.

 

Her eyes didn’t have time to travel from where they were locked on Maggie’s to take in the sight of her shirtless body before Maggie was removing Alex’s shirt as well. Once it was off, Maggie rested her forehead against Alex’s and placed her hands on Alex’s abdomen, swiping her thumbs back and forth over Alex’s skin.

 

After a moment, Maggie looked up at Alex and smiled.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” she said. “I can’t promise that this, or anything else we do, is going to be perfect, but I can promise that I will try to make it so.”

 

Alex finally smiled back, feeling a huge weight lift off of her. She giggled as she wiped the moisture from her eyes.

 

“Hey, you’re supposed to cry _after_ we have sex,” Maggie teased her.

 

Alex laughed again. “Why, are you that bad?” Alex teased back.

 

“Why don’t you come find out?” Maggie said as she turned and began walking toward the bedroom, reaching behind her as she went to undo her bra and slide it off, letting it join the growing assortment of clothing on the floor.

 

Alex gulped. At least now she didn’t have to worry about fumbling with the stupid clasp. She could barely get her own bra off most days, and she was panicking about how long it might possibly take her to remove Maggie’s. Closing her eyes and taking a breath, she followed Maggie into her bedroom.

 

“Come here,” Maggie said softly from her spot on the bed.

 

She grabbed Alex’s hips and gently tugged her towards her, letting her come to a stop in front of her. Alex shivered as Maggie stood up from the bed, trailing her hands up along Alex’s sides as she rose.

 

Alex smiled as Maggie tip-toed to give her a kiss, and shivered again as she felt Maggie’s hands slide across the cups of her bra and come to rest over the straps on her shoulders.

 

“Can I see you?” she asked, and the moment Alex nodded her approval Maggie slipped the straps from her shoulders. She kissed from the edge of one shoulder across Alex’s collarbone to the edge of the other, and Maggie’s lips were so soft on Alex’s skin that she didn’t even notice Maggie working on the back of her bra.

 

Maggie looked up at Alex as the band loosened around her chest and the bra slid to the floor. Alex’s eyes widened as the cold air hit her exposed skin and she was reminded that she was now topless in front of Maggie. She was suddenly nervous again, but then she noticed Maggie was still looking at her face and not at her chest.

 

Maggie stroked her fingers over Alex, brushing the sides of her breasts before bringing them to rest over her heart. She tilted her head slightly, and Alex heard herself say, “It’s ok.” Maggie closed her eyes as she looked away from Alex’s face, letting out a breath when she opened them to Alex’s bare skin in front of her.

 

Alex felt her walls fall completely down. She was a trained special agent, and she was 99% certain that no one could fake the look of admiration that was on Maggie’s face as she looked at Alex.

 

Finally out of her own head, Alex realized she had a shirtless, braless Maggie in front of her and hungrily began running her eyes and hands over the other girl’s body. But hands weren’t enough. Alex felt a spark of boldness and pulled Maggie against her, aching to feel her skin against her own.

 

Alex dove headfirst into her first time with Maggie. Maggie was so good to her, reading her mind and taking her time to draw Alex up and up, giving her just the right amount of time to adjust to Maggie’s touch before becoming anxious for more.

 

When Maggie kissed her breasts, Alex felt her heart skip a beat. When she pressed a leg between Alex’s, she forgot how to breathe for a second. Alex felt like she was floating when Maggie took off her jeans and then her underwear, and when Maggie finally touched her, god.

 

Alex wanted to be upset that she had felt broken all these years, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything except Maggie’s soft fingers between her legs. For the first time, it felt _good._ Even when she was with herself, Alex never was able to get turned on enough for sex to be anything but moderately enjoyable. But Maggie, _Maggie_ made her feel so happy and so wanted that she moved through her effortlessly.

 

Maggie did her best to draw Alex out as long as possible, but eventually she gave in to Alex’s quiet panting and pleading and brought her over the edge. If Alex had her eyes open, she would have seen that this was the moment that Maggie realized that she would not allow things to end badly with Alex as she promised it would that night in the bar. She would have seen Maggie looking down at her with the softest brown eyes, and had she been looking close enough, she might even have been able to see the flicker of, not quite love, but of _something,_ of Maggie deciding then and there that Alex Danvers was the woman for her.

 

When Alex finally did open her eyes, Maggie was still looking down at her, smiling. Alex smiled back and lifted an arm up to rest it across her forehead. She closed her eyes again and sighed. Opening them, she pulled Maggie down to her into a soft kiss and nuzzled against her neck.

 

“Would you...like me to…?” she murmured. She felt Maggie inhale sharply and heard her heart beating loudly from where her ear was resting on her neck.

 

“Yes,” Maggie whispered. “If you are ready.”

 

Alex lifted her head from Maggie’s neck and kissed her again before rolling her over gently so that they could switch spots on the bed. Alex started with kissing, because she knew how to do that. She kissed every inch of Maggie’s skin, trying her best to remember which spots Maggie seemed to like best but the list became rather long and Alex started losing track.

 

When she heard Maggie starting to pant, she considered that she probably needed to do more than just kiss her. She swallowed and moved her hands down Maggie’s body, pausing to remove her remaining clothing. She dusted her fingers up the inside of Maggie’s thigh, eliciting a twitch from her. Alex paused, not sure if she should touch Maggie _there_ yet.

 

Maggie reached down and touched Alex’s hand gently. “Please,” she requested. “I want you.” She nudged Alex’s hand closer to her center until Alex’s knuckle bumped against her opening. Alex gasped when she felt how warm and how wet Maggie was.

 

“Yes, that’s because of you,” Maggie grunted. “Now do something with it.”  
  


Alex pressed into Maggie and jumped for a second when Maggie yelped. "Keep going,” Maggie hissed. Alex obeyed, and after in and out of Maggie for a few minutes, she felt herself gaining confidence. She began to change up her rhythm, slowing down here, applying more pressure there, until she felt Maggie’s body tighten and her center grown impossibly hotter.

 

Maggie didn’t hold herself back as much as Alex did when her orgasm came, and Alex was fascinated at how her movements inside of Maggie were manifesting outside of Maggie. She wasn’t overly loud, but she was certainly louder than Alex had been, and Alex smirked to herself with pride. She reminded herself to assure Maggie that her orgasm, too, was mind blowing, even though she may not have articulated it to the same extent. (Alex did tell her this as they were falling asleep together that night, and Maggie responded by swatting her with a pillow and laughing, reminding Alex that there were other ways of knowing she was doing a good job.)

 

She brought Maggie down as Maggie had done for her. She wasn’t quite sure how long she was supposed to do it though - she certainly didn’t want to leave Maggie hanging, but also knew from what she read on Google that some women became extremely sensitive after reaching orgasm to the point that it was painful. Alex decided to slow down and watch Maggie for clues, but after a few more seconds she felt Maggie’s hand stilling her own.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Alex mumbled.

 

Maggie closed her eyes and smiled, shaking her head back and forth on the pillow, splaying her hair out across it.

 

“Please don’t apologize for how you just made me feel.”

 

“Oh. Ok,” Alex responded. “So it was - ”

 

“ - Alex.” Maggie said, opening her eyes. “It was perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you liked, loved, or didn't like! I'm always open and welcome to comments. Kudos, bookmarks, etc. are always appreciated. Feel free to visit me on my tumblr, taketheleadneverfollow, to gush about Sanvers or just to say hi. :)


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